Divorce is never easy

Posted by on Oct 26, 2017 in Family Law | 0 comments

It’s strange, having parents get divorced and realizing it’s as tough for you as it would have been when you were a little kid. I’m now in my twenties. I have a girlfriend I live with, and we’re a thousand miles from my parents and my old hometown. I hardly think about my parents most days, and we have pleasant, but vague conversations about once a week, which seems enough for me.

Somehow, the fact they have suddenly (or suddenly to me at least) decided to get divorced has really thrown me. Their marriage, I realize now, was one of the things I just assumed would always be there. It would be like coming home one afternoon and finding your apartment was just gone. The building wasn’t there. You assumed it would always be there, that nothing could change that fact. You would have anchored your sense of reality to that fact, so deeply in fact that you would never have realized you made the assumption at all. Then, one day, it would be gone.

As you can see, I’m not taking this well. My parents were never what I’d call a happy couple. They fought a lot, and much more than they fought, they were chilly towards each other. They spent most evenings in separate rooms, watching separate TVs. They hadn’t shared a room for more than a decade, I think, at least not on a regular basis.

I know now, as I should have known, or maybe always knew but never articulated, that wasn’t a very healthy or satisfying relationship for either of them. And it appears now that I look at it, like they had wanted this for a long time and just put it off for us.

My sister graduated from college last year. She was the last of the three of us. My brother is thirty now and has a kid. I suppose they wanted all of us out in the world and settled before they made such a big move. I respect that, but somehow, I want that freedom they gave me but also more heads up. No, what I want is for them to stay together, and for that to somehow make them both happy. That’s too much to ask, I know.

It’ll be strange, having to deal with divorce attorneys and to go home and find the home empty of one or the other of them, or else, in two completely different homes. Who knows if they’ll even stay near each other?

So far, at least, they are both promising to keep things civil and to remain friends. Perhaps they will. Perhaps they’ve just been friends for a long time and want something else. I want to be happy for them for this, to congratulate them almost on getting to start over and find something better. They gave me so much support in finding what I wanted in life, I want to give them that too.

I hope I’ll be able to at some point. For now, I just don’t know what to do now that anchor I attached my life to has gone floating off into the sea.

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